Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Ghostrider


Ghostrider is based on the comic book that’s called Gostrider too. I had the first issue of Ghostrider when I was 13 on Marvel comics but I heard it was worth 30 dollars so I tried to sell it to this dude but he said it was #1 of Volume 2 and not the original. That sucked. This movie sucks too. Nicholas Cage really bums me out the way he talks and points at people all the time. Basically the story goes that he and his dad are these white trash motorcycle guys, but the dad gets cancer from cigarettes and so Nicholas Cage has to sell his soul to Peter Fonda. I wonder if Peter Fonda read this script and was all like “This movie sucks shit, have David Carradine do it” and then his agent was like “Dude they have motorcycles in the movie” and then Fonda was like “Fuck, ok”
Anyway after he sells his soul he is supposed to get this contract for the Devil but instead he just drives around fighting dudes and staring at them and pointing until they die. It’s not as cool as it sounds. One time when he’s on the bike he drives off a bridge and starts cruising on the water flipping off the cops. Again I’m totally making this sounds way cooler then it is. Sam Elliot from Roadhouse shows up and plays the same character he did in Roadhouse where he keeps referring to Nicholas Cage who is like a million as “Kid.” In Roadhouse he called Patrick Swayze “Mijo” the whole time which means the same thing in Mexican. Anyway staring and pointing is a stupid way to kill somebody and there are no boobs and the motorcycle riding is all CGI stuff. The monsters are fucking totally weak too. They’re supposed to be elements so there is a dirt guy and a water guy and a wind guy, but the wind and dirt guy are just the same swirling dirt shit whenever they go anywhere. Plus the way they die is such a bummer cause it’s like kicking a pile dirt. Like I can do that and it’s not fucking scary! Sometimes I think it would be really hard to make a movie cause you gotta know about cameras and angles and so I don’t understand why these guys that figured out all the hard stuff can’t make some cool guts squirt out anywhere? I put that image at the top cause if they made the movie about this guy and his friends kicking ass and terrorizing squares that would be really wicked. My roommate Matt was super bummed at Ghostrider and he likes comics a lot. We didn’t have any weed that day so I don’t know why we went in the first place.

5 comments:

laceyswain said...

See, but I DO have weed! Is it worth seeing now?

laceyswain said...

I actually thought this movie was not that bad, by the way. I was super stoned and I saw it at the Cinerama. Popcorn is delicious.

America's Guest said...

Hmmm maybe weed makes all the difference. I would rather go see 300 again at Imax though!

Anonymous said...

sometimes you need some velveeta in your diet. and don't forget Cage is a Dadaist not an actor. keep that in mind next time you see a movie with him in it. it will help you enjoy it more.

I'm getting pretty sick of peoples inability to appreciate crap.

America's Guest said...

I'm not sure that Nicholas Cage's choice of footwear is an excuse for his bad movies but you might know him better than me. The remake of the Wicker Man was totally weak too.