Monday, March 19, 2007

The Host

The Host is about this Korean guy who is really lazy and works in a snack shop at the beach. Somehow he managed to get laid one time cause he has a daughter. Anyway he’s drinking beer and watching his sister on the TV cause she’s in the Olympics or something. He gives his daughter some beer. I laughed at that part cause I’ve had Hite before so I know what that kid was going through. Anyway so this dude…. Actually now that I think of it he dresses just like the original “Dude” from Big Lebowski but the reason I’m calling this guy “Dude” is cause this movie is in Korean and I can’t remember any of the fucking names. They don’t sound the way it’s spelled on the subtitles. So the Korean dude is going down to the water to deliver some more beers and food when he sees this giant fucking Chudfish swimming towards the shore. Everyone starts throwing food at it cause it looks kinda funny. It’s not really funny all the time though cause it starts chomping dudes and whipping people with it’s tail and smashing shit. It’s kinda like a Godzilla but with a mutant fish body. It looks like a Coelacanth (pictured here)

I like how that kid is all like “You better hurry up and take my damn picture with this crazy ass fish!” It was pretty cool when the Chudfish was running around smashing dudes but it’s really hard to be scared of a CGI fish when there’s stuff in real life that kills people all the time like ball cancer or anus or wang cancer. That would fucking suck to only have one nard. So then the Chudfish grabs the dudes daughter and jumps into the sewer. I was thinking how lame cell phones are cause sometimes if you see a number and you don’t recognize it you’re all like “maybe it’s that cool chick who smoked me out at Steve’s house” but when you answer it’s always Household Bank saying you owe them money. But the cell phone here is a helper cause this chick is able to call from the sewer where she lives with all these dead people and poop and stuff. There’s this whole other crap part about a virus that the Chudfish carries and the Korean dude gets quarantined and has to escape to find his daughter. Less of this part would have been cool cause all they show the Chudfish doing whole time is spitting out dead dudes into his lair. I hate it in movies where they spend forever making a fucking monster and then he doesn’t even get to do anything that cool. It’s funny and exciting to see a giant mutant fish chase people on land. Fine you got me there, but if you want to hold my interest why not show the monster like ripping people in half with guts shooting out all over or really get in there when it’s eating some cool brains or maybe out of nowhere it just rapes a dude.
Just so you know the reason this all happened was cause these American scientists poured a bunch of formaldehyde in the water. So to destroy the Chudfish the U.S. army comes in at the end with this gas that’s supposed to kill everything. There’s some message about the U.S. being dumb for creating evil and getting rid of it with even more evil methods. I just realized that now cause the whole time I was watching the movie I was just hoping that fish would rape somebody.

1 comment:

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