300

The 300 is this new movie about old times where Leonidas, who is the
King of Sparta has this really hot wife and they rule Greece together.
The Spartan boys are trained at a very young age to not show any signs
of like "fear" or "emotion" but they still have long hair and muscles
so that they can score with chicks. Too bad the hottest chicks in
Sparta get sent off to these weird "mystics" who look like MumRa from
Thundercats. These super hot chicks become sex slaves for these gross
guys. That part kind of bummed me out. Anyway there's this one Persian
leader guy named Xerxes who is trying to take over the world back
then. I think he is gay, but back then they didn't call it that. They
just said that he liked jewelry and had a lot of parties. Anyway
everyone else in Greece pusses out cause they're philosophers or
boy-touchers, so the Spartans decide they're going to take on Xerxes.
Then Xerxes summons the largest army the world has ever seen. So
Leonidas hand picks 300 men to battle the Persians and they go to the
ocean to meet them. The water is really rough and there are these
really wicked rocks with boats crashing everywhere and thousands of
Persians are dieing and there is some seriously sweet guitars in this
part just fucking riffing as these dudes drown. But, they got like a
million more dudes so it's not that big a deal. The next day when
everyone wakes up the Persians give the Spartans one last chance to
surrender but they're like "No way" and they start fighting. This part
rules cause it's like 3 days of dudes just getting laid to waste and
there are cool monster guys and a big dude and a rhinoceros that looks
cool but doesn't kick that much ass. My favorite dude was this really
fat dude with swords for his hands. You could tell he was totally high
the whole time. Anyway I don't want to ruin it even though this is
sort of a true movie but the point is that 300 Spartans fought against
1 million other dudes. That's why Spartans rock hard.